Scattered Thoughts

Well, I have had a hard time concentrating on anything lately. I would like to blame it on the weather, or the time of year, but I am not sure that is what it is.

I spend this weekend looking forward to future events with comforting family and great friends. My sister and sister-in-law are graduating in two weeks from Gordon College in Massachusetts. This will be a wonderful time with family and friends on the North Shore of Boston. I can't wait! Lobster here I come.

Then two weeks after that a bunch of college friends gather together for the NCAA Lacrosse Tournament in Philadelphia. We are all staying at my parents house in the suburbs. Should be a great time cooking out, sitting around a fire pit in the backyard, and watching a captivating sport.

Of course I am ecstatic about traveling to Ireland, it is approaching so quickly...hope my passport comes in time!

Then in August, our college friends will be gathering again in the Outer Banks for a week vacation. True relaxation on the beach...a lot of Corona and a lot of margaritas.

And through this all I am training for a marathon. I am hoping that I will be diligent on these weekends and continue to get my miles in. By August I am up to 15 miles. Yikes~!

Carefree Imperfection

I am currently reading McCarthy's Bar by Pete McCarthy. In the book, on loan from my mother-in-law, Pete McCarthy chronicles his journeys through Ireland, in search for what makes the Irish, well, Irish. McCarthy is English, yet has an obsession with Ireland, his mother's homeland. He is always questioning, "Do I fit in?"

At one point in the book, McCarthy has had one too many drinks to drive home from a McCarthy's bar in West Cork, and therefore calls a cab. The cab driver turns out to be German, an increasing normality in Ireland. When asked why the German moved to Ireland, his response, "The people. I loff their carefree imperfection."

For a guilty perfectionist, "Carefree imperfection" seems so strange, yet it seems so wonderful. At the heart, do we not all believe that perfection in this lifetime is not possible...that we are striving for perfection, running the race set out for us with perseverance, but knowing that we will not obtain our prize here on earth? And with our imperfections comes peace, rest, and joy in God's grace.

It may be a stretch, but it hit home.

As I read this book, I am becoming even more intrigued by the people, land, and culture that I will soon have a chance to meet. I will be traveling to the west coast of Ireland this summer with Tim's family. I can't wait to experience the Irish carefree imperfection! And, as McCarthy puts it: "There is nothing like a short walk in the rain, followed by four or five hours in the pub, to make you appreciate your bed."

City Gardens

I was searching the web today for some much needed help with designing a balcony garden. I have a balcony off of my bedroom and off of my living area. In the past the balcony has mostly served as a place to eat summer dinners. However, this year, I want to add more plants, grow tomatoes, chili peppers, and basil. I also want to add tiered plants and comfortable seating. I must say, there is NO help when it comes to designing a modest city balcony garden. I clicked on one website that was utterly disappointing. Their idea of a "balcony garden" was a five acre deck off of the side of a large home in the middle of rolling hills. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!

Recovery

Yesterday proved to be the day that I needed--Relaxing.

I had the chance to catch up with friends and family, visit a few stores, get some errands done, and make it out for my sister-in-laws birthday.

It was one of those days that serves as a reminder that God does not abandon us when our days get too busy and we abandon him. He turns craziness into calm, stress into vision, and promises to mend our hearts.


"The unfailing love of the Lord never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction. Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day. I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope in him!" Lamentations 3:22-24

With an Eye Towards Summer

Another long day at work. Once again, my husband had to make his own dinner. That is three times this week so far.

Ina Garten, also known as Barefoot Contessa, once said, "If I don't cook my husband dinner, there is someone out there who will." I think I need to write that on a post-it note and stick it right above my desk at work.

These are the weeks that I long for vacation, long for the sweetness of sleeping in, sipping (or in my case gulping) a cup of coffee in an Adirondack chair and doing absolutely nothing else.

I haven't talked to my family in some time and I am starting to feel drained. There are certain people I need to talk to on a weekly basis, and if I don't it catches up with me. I wonder if that is why people go to confession. Feelings, stories, questions, he-saids and she-saids fill up.

So this is a public confession to my husband and to my family.

The weekend is coming soon: dinner will be on the table and the phone will ring.

Add It to the List

In twenty-five years, I am going to look back on my twenties in awe. Not because I am doing great things, but because I am observing great things. My generation has experienced incredible life-changing events.

President Clinton redefined the image of President; September 11th shattered our lives; President George W. Bush was not only elected once, but twice; America declared war on Iraq and Afghanistan; homosexuality became a household word; Ronald Reagan laid in state in the Capitol Rotunda; terrorism became a daily struggle; the United States Senate debated the federal marriage amendment; Saddam Hussein was caught crouching in a hole in the ground; Ricin and anthrax attacked our mail service; once communist countries held democratic elections; Pope John Paul II breathed his last; and a new pope was named.

One can argue that your most formative years are those before eighteen. Yes, the basis for my assumptions was shaped at an early age, but where my reasoning leads me after that has been drastically influenced by the last four years of my life. Having lived during the passing of so many great people, you learn the great influence they had on this world...and the indelible mark they left on people, culture, and politics. You are able to examine not only their positive influence, but their faults as well. These are things that textbooks cannot teach you.

Gifts

I started reading the Book of Common Prayer again. I have been attending an Episcopalian church that I love, but I really need to know why I love it. I find the prayers in the Book of Common Prayer very useful..the prayers articulate feelings better than I.

My greatest fear is that I reach old age and I have not used every gift that God has given me to its fullest, or I have not followed God's call. For that I pray:

For the Right Use of God's Gifts:
"Almighty God, whose loving hand hath given us all that we posess: Grant us grace that we may honor thee with our substance, and, remembering the account which we must one day give, may be faithful stewards of thy bounty, through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Amen."

Walking Through Doors

Sometimes I feel like Alice in Wonderland, I keep going through all of these doors and they get smaller and smaller, my life gets more and more defined, and I never really know where the doors, or my life, is leading.

Usually this feeling is not a good thing for me. I don't like to feel discontent, and I certainly don't like to feel like one door is not leading to another.

When I am feeling this way, Tim usually says, "Just do what you are doing now with all you have in you and God will open another door." Sometimes that makes sense. Other times I want to say, "Really? Really? That will help me feel content? That will make my job seem worthwhile? That will help me to understand what God has planned for me? When I am supposed to have children? And how long we are supposed to be living in DC, handing out the cleaning room key to interns?"

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "Reality is a sliding door." Sometimes that is much easier for me to comprehend. It feels safe...things are always changing and that is ok.

I don't know why I am so intrigued by doors, but they always seem to catch my eye. Is it what lies behind them? Is it the architecture? Is it that Christ walked through one?

I remember my favorite door. It is in Italy, along the way from the five fisherman villages they call Cinque Terre, in the northwest of Italy.



As you walk the hills from each village to the next on small paths, you are surrounded by vineyard on either side. The hills crash into the sea as you make your way on the hillside to Monterosso, Vernazza, Manarola, Riomaggiore, and Corniglia.

If you walk slightly off the path on your way to one of these towns, you will find a door built into the slope of the hill. It is small, painted blue, covered with greens, and surrounded by stone. I am not sure what purpose it serves, but it is a door nonetheless, and therefore it leads somewhere.

Cherry Blossoms

This weekend is the prime weekend for viewing Cherry Blossoms in Washington, DC. Not only have the cherry blossoms bloomed over the last week, but people have also sprung from their houses into the streets, shops, and markets. Washington, DC has been transformed from the cold, naked of winter, to the colorful, crowded of spring.

Our friends are in town this weekend, traveling from Boston. Today they are experiencing their first real day of spring. We will go see the Cherry Blossoms with the rest of the world, walk around the streets of DC, possibly go to the driving range???, and grab that nice cold drink under the shade of a vibrant awning.

This morning I ran the Cherry Blossom Ten-Miler in Washington, DC. I got there just in time, since I forgot it was daylight savings, but I was able to jump in the pack of more than 10,000 runners as they rounded the first curve. This is my second ten-miler, and this time it was much easier. DC is a great place to run...very flat, beautiful buildings and monuments to stare at, and great crowds cheering you on.

Tim biked down to cheer me on in the bitter cold...not to mention extremely windy.. and I was so grateful to have him there. They called my name out as I crossed the finish line beating last years time.

As Anna and I crossed the finish line she looked at me, "So, are we ready for the Marine Corps Marathon?"

Finding My Place

As the skies seemed to have opened up and drenched the entire Northeast...got an email from Patty in Maine and it was raining there...got an email from Emily in Massachusetts and it was raining there...I am heading off to my first wedding at Falls Church Episcopal.

Moving to a new city, it is hard to feel at home, involved, and a part of something bigger than yourself. I have searched for ways to get involved at church, with the homeless, and mentoring inner city children. Nothing has seemed to catch...until now.

I have realized through helping with a youth group that God did not give me that special chip you need to be able to mentor and guide teenage girls. Nor did he give me the desire to rush out of work early and work with eighth grade inner-city boys on their homework. However, he did give me the urge to plan, to take charge, and to assist others on their wedding day. Now that is something I can get out of bed for.

So, today, I head off to my first wedding. Today I will only be shadowing and learning how to run a wedding myself. I can't wait to meet the other ladies at my church who are also participating in this ministry, as well as provide aid and assistance to someone on what could be the biggest day of their life.

There of course are some benefits that I will gain from this experience...Who designed her dress? Do daffadills and lillies really go well together? Remind me to never ask bridesmaids to wear purple., I am sure my thoughts will go on and on.

However, most of all, I feel that I have finally surrendered to a gift that God has given me. For so many years, I wanted to be the one who made a real difference in some lonely teenager's life or who led a bible study with ease. Little did I know until now, that God has given me a great desire, love, and ability to just "be there" for someone on their wedding day.