Catching Up

I recently had some down time at work so I started reading some of my old posts. Wow, I used to write on this blog a lot! And I used to find joy in little things. I want to get back to that. I want to feel alive again. If I am going to be perfectly honest this year has been a difficult one, although I could not put my finger on why. Sometimes I feel like I am in limbo: working hard at my job but really yearning for what is to come (whatever that may be). Other times I feel very content: I love owning a house, decorating, and gardening. I try to chaulk it up to being 27: it is a bland year.

Although it is up to no one else but me to change that.

If I were to be completely honest again, I remember the summer before my wedding as one of the happiest summers of my life. I woke up every morning and walked 2 miles to a Paul Simon cd. I was a lifeguard from 11am-8pm. I swam for more than an hour every day. For two weeks I coached lacrosse at a day camp. And I planned my wedding. And I loved it. How do I get back to that happiness?

Again, I feel a big finger pointed right at me.

I leave tomorrow for a week on the Vineyard. I really hope to spend that time reading and praying. I want to feel content again, feel a certain strength in my faith, a certain gentleness in my heart.